The Worries of New Parenting
The following pieces of text were developed to support my private practice blog Checking In. The blog is still a work in progress (still deciding where to host the damn thing). But I’m putting the outputs here for syndication.
Becoming a parent is a journey unlike any other, filled with moments of pure joy and wonder. But, as a psychotherapist with Mellow & Tale, I've seen firsthand that this journey also has its shadows, marked by anxiety and worry. I've sat with clients on the cusp of this transformation, and I've felt their anticipation, their excitement, and yes, their fears. As counsellors for the community, our role is to listen, to empathise, and to guide. Yet, as fellow human beings, we also feel the weight of the emotions shared in our sessions. We understand the monumental task that lies ahead of new parents. It's not only about caring for a new life, but also about accepting a new identity - becoming a parent.
My personal growth journey was shepherded by a resilient mother and an independent elder sister, whose strength and independence I deeply admire. I've been privileged to witness friends navigate the profound transition into parenthood, an experience that has filled me with a deep sense of awe and respect. Over at Mellow & Tale, we’ve seen the healing power of shared stories and collective understanding. That's why I feel it's so important to shine a light on a phenomenon often left in the shadows - the anxiety and worry experienced by many new parents.
Exploring Anxiety and Worry as a New Parent
As new parents, navigating the intricacies of caring for a newborn, sleep deprivation, and drastic changes in routine are just a few of the challenges that lie ahead. And it’s not just about the short-term milestones of looking after a baby. A less discussed, but significant, an aspect of this transformation is the emotional upheaval that often accompanies it. Among the many emotions, anxiety, and worry hold a prominent place.
In the context of new parenthood, anxiety may surface as relentless concerns about your baby's wellbeing, self-doubt about your parenting abilities, or an overwhelming fear of the unknown. We might end up travelling further and pondering about the difficult challenges of teenagers, watching over them navigate through potential challenges in education, identity, and sexuality. Worry, on the other hand, could present itself as constant concerns about your child's future, the impact of your parenting decisions, or the daunting task of juggling personal, professional, and parental roles.
These emotions are not arbitrary; they stem from the multifaceted changes that occur when one becomes a parent. At Mellow & Tale, we understand that our wellbeing and behaviours are shaped by a multitude of factors.
Biologically, new parents experience significant physical changes. Mothers undergo hormonal shifts after childbirth that can significantly impact their emotional state. Fathers, while not experiencing the same physical changes, may face sleep deprivation and shifts in routine that can contribute to feelings of anxiety and worry.
Psychologically, the responsibility of caring for a newborn, coupled with the pressure to excel in your role as a parent, can breed anxiety. The transition from an individual to a caregiver can also stir up feelings of loss of identity, further intensifying anxiety and worry.
Socially, new parents navigate a terrain laden with societal expectations and pressures. The proliferation of social media presents a double-edged sword. While it provides a wealth of information and shared experiences, it also sets up a platform for comparison, amplifying feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
These biological, psychological, and social elements do not exist in isolation; they interact and influence one another. So, what's really going on here? If anxiety and worry are such prominent parts of the parenting experience, why do we seldom talk about the daunting aspects of this transformation?
Reflexive Note: The Biopsychosocial framework in psychotherapy recognises the interplay of biological, psychological, and social factors in shaping mental health. It takes a holistic approach, considering genetics, thoughts, emotions, social environment, and more. We like to use this model to tailor personalised treatment plans for clients, promoting lasting changes in their well-being.
Muting the Conversation
Conversations about becoming a parent are often awash with positive sentiments - the joy of nurturing a new life, the excitement of embarking on this unique journey, the anticipation of the moments of laughter and love that lie ahead. However, beneath this sunny façade, the storm of anxiety and worry that brews for many new parents is often left unspoken.
This is not coincidental. As young adults become parents, there is pressure to fit in with our new roles. Parenthood is typically seen as a natural progression of life, a path that we should tread confidently and competently. Failing to meet these expectations can induce a unique form of shame. A feeling of inadequacy that stems from perceived incompetence to move to the supposed next stage of our lives. This pressure is compounded by society's gender-specific expectations. Women, in particular, face an additional layer of scrutiny. Society typically paints an ideal image of a mother - nurturing, caring, and intuitively adept at parenting. When reality doesn't mirror this image, feelings of anxiety, worry, and self-doubt can intensify.
In today's digital age, these pressures are further amplified. The advent of social media and digital technology means we are living in an age of constant comparison. Every aspect of the parenting journey is under scrutiny, curated photos and posts often presenting a glossed-over version of reality. This can lead to the internalisation of anxiety and worry. When we continually compare our behind-the-scenes with others' highlight reels, the silent battle with anxiety and worry becomes harder to acknowledge and express. This internalisation of emotions makes it even more difficult to regulate them without professional support. By keeping these feelings hidden, we miss out on the shared understanding and support that can come from open conversations about the challenges of new parenthood.
How We Support
The journey into parenthood is one of the most complex transformations we experience as humans. It's a process that intertwines with our ongoing development into adulthood, marking a significant milestone that deserves recognition and understanding. At Mellow & Tale, we're fascinated by this intricate journey. It's an invisible metamorphosis that doesn't often take centre stage in our cultural narratives or cinematic portrayals, yet it is a crucial part of the human experience that we're keen to explore and unpack.
Every new parent has the opportunity to delve into this transformation, to understand how their personal growth influences their approach to parenting. We believe in the value of this exploration and the insights it can provide for new parents navigating their way through this significant life change.
We get that every new parent's journey is unique - each one shaped by personal experiences, cultural influences, and individual expectations. And we make sure that our approach to counselling empowers such uniqueness. Providing a safe, empathetic space for upcoming parents to express their feelings and experiences is crucial. Because hopefully, they can understand and navigate their anxieties and worries, acknowledging fears while empowering them to discover their strengths and resources.
We believe in the power of collaboration. Our therapeutic relationships are not about dictating solutions; they're about discovering them together. By understanding the stories and lived experiences of each new parent, we can better comprehend how their perspectives on parenting shape their current feelings and reactions.
Alliance is therefore key here. We learn from their experiences, insights, and milestones. The journey into parenthood can be daunting, filled with anxieties and worries, but it is also a process of transformation filled with growth, resilience, and strength. It’s an experience we want to support, one we’re also incredibly curious about.