Why I’m Becoming a Counsellor
Today is #WorldMentalHealthDay, and I'm writing this to commemorate and celebrate our mental health journey. Thankfully for me, it starts with pain.
It's been four years, three months, and twenty-two days since I experienced my first panic attack. It happened right after I made pasta for someone, and to be honest I've been terrified to make another bowl of pasta ever since. It was perfect because I was completely alone in my apartment, no one was there to see spiral out of control. I was constantly screaming, and I couldn't tell the difference between standing still and hitting myself against the wall.
I sent an email to the office and asked for emergency leave. It was difficult for me to explain myself. I didn't look at anyone's messages. I remember there were colleagues that were angry at me, frustrated by the work I had left behind. There were also friends that were worried about me, asking another friend if they'd heard anything. I told my family what happened, and they didn't know what to say. I think my dad asked me if I've been religiously observant.
This is just one of the many experiences and difficulties that so many of us deal with every day. For many, they take place behind closed doors, held invisible and taken hostage by our own stigma and perceived weakness. And because of the global COVID-19 pandemic, it has only accelerated our degenerative decline in our ability to be mentally stable and resilient.
It's quite unfortunate that for many hard-working young professionals such as myself, we only start taking notice of our mental wellbeing the moment it becomes worn down and broken. It's a shame when we only hear about mental health when it has already brought us harm - from a sudden work resignation to physical wounds. From a piece of criminal news coverage, to the loss of a loved one.
Why must we only come to terms with our mental health after we see its consequence, and not before it brings us pain?
Finding professional help was a new experience for me. In between I was constantly looking for information, Googling terms such as "Why did I hit myself" or "Panic attack long-term side effects". People tend to forget that in between there are moments where we are by ourselves with technology, and we are constantly looking. I had my first counselling session six months after my panic attack. It took me one and a half years for me to fully recover from what happened.
But spending some of my savings to have several counselling sessions was probably one of the best financial investments I've ever made in my entire life. Not only was I able to heal myself, I was also able to learn and discover new things about my identity. Things just started to become clearer. Why I put so much of my identity with my work. Why I was so ashamed of crying and being upset. Why I was taught to always look after others before my own.
I started to recognise the immense value of counsellors and social service as a profession.
The way they asked specific questions that gave you an opportunity to see yourself again for the first time. Their thought process, connecting dots in between phrases of memory and our childhood upbringing. Why couldn't I have experienced this before? Why was I always so pinned down on the route of graduating university, finding a job that pays, and just working?
I've been working for over seven years, and ever since I have continued to pursue a career specialising in digital marketing and strategy. But after experiencing one of the lowest points of my life, it wasn't enough for me to define my professional identity solely based on my ability to tell organisations how to manage and operate their digital marketing. If I wanted my work to be of service to others, I wanted it to go beyond organisations, marketing managers and big brands that want a a higher NPS score.
I started my counselling training in March 2020 and completed the course last month in September. A total of fifteen modules, with a hundred hours of practicum with clients and supervisors. It's a difficult journey to study part-time, especially when you're still bearing the responsibility of a full-time job and career. But much like my decision to seek professional help, learning new skills - one that you believe in and want to do - is an empowering way to reinvigorate what it means to work. There's something quite humbling about being a student again, the way it makes you feel clueless.
Becoming a counsellor has impacted so many aspects of my life, both personally and professionally.
Counselling helped me understand the humanity of business and management. I think every manager should acquire some of the skills that counsellors use and apply everyday. Skills such as empathy, active listening, and creating a psychologically safe environment can bring so much into your team and business. It's such a shame that it's often overlooked, especially by those that might be too afraid of letting things go, or allowing things to change.
Counselling also allowed me to become a better, more emotionally resilient individual. Instead of reacting to something new, I observe them. Instead of feeling uncomfortable with a situation, I explore it and reflect. I've become more patient, simply because I can embrace the invisibility of other people's difficulties and how it informs their behaviour. Emotions don't seem so frightening, instead they become clues to understanding who they are and how they came to be.
I'm really proud of myself. I've acquired a new skill and a new opportunity. I'm taking full ownership of my career and what I want it to be.
I can't wait to incorporate counselling into my career, and integrate it with my existing profession as a digital marketing strategy. I don't exactly know what it looks like, but I'm so excited for how it might turn out.
It's been twenty days since I started my client sessions as a trained counsellor. Many of them experience the most extraordinary moments of difficulty and emotional distress - and yet they live the most routine, and ordinary life possible. One talks about the anxiety of exams, another contemplates poisoning themselves with washing powder. Some talk about how difficult it feels to live with their family, others don't even mention family at all - they just talk about their careers. But by the end of each session, I feel so thankful that I was able to be a part of their life and be of service to them. I've never felt that way before, especially not as a professional.
This year, I hope more people will take the time to explore, understand, and look after their mental wellbeing through conversation. I hope young professionals check in on each other during overtime or stressful situations. I hope great managers become greater by listening, allowing their team to share their stories, and moments of difficulty. I hope parents create the space for their children to explore the world and embrace their autonomy.