Reading the Discourse
My ventures into the PhD subreddit led me to a profound revelation about the struggles of PhD experiences, and wow - what a sight. The PhD discourse online is one of the most depressing content pieces I've ever read. Who knew there was a quiet shadow that goes unnoticed, only discovered after you’re deeply ensnared by the quiet screams for help. How does it feel to watch one's self-esteem erode slowly, I thought. Especially for those who had previously navigated life with unwavering certainty and success? Is this the kind of life you want, are you really sure you want to head this way? I couldn't stop myself from feeling disheartened; the knowledge of this shared plight — why delve deeper into this well of despair that seems to only deepen with each post, each message screaming for attention on their lowest day? Marked by incomplete chapters, long lulls of procrastination and feelings of self-doubt.
It might be possible, then, that this academic abyss, profound in its depth, could also harbour profound personal growth and unexpected support. Again, ever so quietly and invisible. They demand patience, these gleaming treasures, they rarely reveal themselves on the surface. Deep within, perhaps two or three layers in you'll notice that there's light along the way. The texts are soft and gentle. The words never take over the idealised goal of completing an entire dissertation. Instead they focus on the small minutes that take place in between. The breath of fresh air when writing your texts at a new cafe stop. Taking a warm shower and being welcomed with a new perspective on analysis. A folder of texts and emails, each comprising of small gestures and words from others you'd be surprised by, their words meaningless for some but so important for the fair few that desperately needed to hear it from someone else. I've seen such treasures before. We were never taught to learn how to create them, how to identify them, these boxes of light and warmth. But it seems they can be so life-saving, so breathtaking that it allows every candidate to take one more day, one more breath, one repeated think of the process.
Funny how it all arrives to a point of paradox that perfectly mirrors the audacity that life can be. The pursuit of a PhD, while fraught with intellectual challenges, is fundamentally an emotional journey isn’t it? It demands not just the sharpness of our minds but the resilience of our spirits. A similar dance, much like other aspects of our lives. Economics with behaviour, stories with dreams, and I guess education with security? Maybe there is a sense of timeliness after all? That destiny really did its job to put in the best seat possible to be the most prepared. It looks as if I know I exactly what I'm doing, all these chapters and steps. I didn't know where the flight of stairs would take me, but it's nice to know there's nothing else like it.
It's not hard to look at it all and feel like it's a warning. I need to remember to recognise and nurture the spaces that offer us solace and understanding. Contribute to environments that not only acknowledge but actively address the emotional toll of academic endeavors. This story - the narrative of struggle intermingled with moments of unexpected strength — is not unique to me. I've lived through that story before. I know what it's like to fall into the darkness and come back from it. I’m sure there are countless others who navigate the shadowed pathways of academia. And maybe when we acknowledge the shared darkness, we also begin to see the light. The profound possibility, a moment of empowerment. But for now, this has been very, very dark.