Following up
I was never good at following through my own promises. I begin with energy, with brilliance even, striking out with the promise of something well-founded. But somewhere along the line, the effort dissipates. It’s as if that initial momentum loses its weight and falters, leaving me caught between intention and execution. I see it in my friendships, in my work, and most recently, in my interactions with clients over at Mellow & Tale. And it’s frustrating because I know, deep down, that this is where the real challenge lies. This gap between starting and finishing. It’s the one thing holding me back from truly growing, from reaching the level of success I envision for myself.
And then there’s the matter of my PhD application. The proposal, thankfully, is done, a small victory in a sea of uncompleted tasks. Yet, my personal statement remains untouched. It sits there, a blank page, almost taunting me. I can feel the weight of it pressing down, looking at my with the same eyes my mum used to show. That feeling of comparison. I know what I need to say. I want to talk about my motivations, about how counselling came to feel like a calling. I want to unravel the story of myself, the winding, at times disorienting, journey that brought me here. There’s a niche I’m still trying to carve out, a space for myself in all this, but even I struggle to fully embrace what it means. And yet, I know it’s right there.
Perhaps, though, the answer lies in breaking it down, starting small. Maybe if I begin with a simple outline, I can find my way back to clarity. Piece by piece, it will come together, each part a fragment of the larger picture I’m painting. The proposal was my way of showing my academic capability, my capacity for research and logical structure. So perhaps the personal statement isn’t about proving anything. Perhaps it’s about exploring my trajectory as a researcher, about laying out the milestones of the journey I wish to embark on, the questions I want to ask, the problems I want to solve. That sense of a long-term plan, yes, that feels right. Connecting where I’ve been with where I hope to go, and trusting that there’s a university out there that sees the value in this mission, that believes in the potential I’m still trying to believe in myself.
This weekend, I’ll take a step. Even if it’s just a small one, a sentence or two. Anything to move forward.